It sneaks up on me, stealthy and silent.
My heart aches, and I’m not sure why…
My soul longs to sit down and cry, but I have no idea what for…
Sadness creeps in and sets up residence, but I can’t put a name on it…
Until slowly a vague familiarity sets in…
And I realize this is grief.
A wound, healed as much as it can be, that sometimes still oozes the pain, the injustice, the unfairness of it all… How could she die like that? She wasn’t even 30 yet! How could an accident like that happen to a mama? Even more so, how could it happen to the mama of a 3 year old with a newborn baby brother?
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance
Those are said to be the stages of grief. We all grieve in our own way, working back and forth through the stages, sometimes coming back to ones we’ve already visited.
My way, it seems, is for Acceptance and Denial to wrap themselves intricately around my heart, covering the absence of a best friend, a wife, a mother, a daughter. It’s been almost 14 years, and still when I stop to think about it, the grief is fresh and fierce. She’s missed so much. Her babies have grown up without her. She missed being a part of my wedding (she introduced me to my husband! She should have been able to be there!). She would have LOVED her kids and mine being cousins, and especially our boys being a 2nd generation of best friends, and growing up together. She would be so incredibly proud of her daughter growing up into a strong, talented and intelligent woman, beautiful from the inside out. The grief for her and what she’s missed tangle together and overwhelm… and my heart aches.
And yet my grief is not why I write this post.
I write this because my heart aches for YOU and your grief too.
My grief is for a best friend and mama, lost tragically too young. Yours might be for your own child. Or your parent. Maybe for your spouse or someone else you love deeply. I can’t imagine what any of those kinds of grief might feel like. But I can say that mingled among the pain and sadness, there is a blessing to be found for those who grieve. Jesus himself tells us there is a blessing:
It might be too hard for you to see from where you are right now. And I can’t pretend to understand how or why it works, when it seems like mourning is the farthest thing from a blessing. It sounds like such a platitude… but God is putting it on my heart to write this… if you’re grieving for someone, please know that even through your pain and mourning, you will be comforted. Ask Him for it. Pray for it.
I’m writing this today for YOU.
Praying for God to comfort you in your grief…
Praying for you to find healing,
Praying for the pain and sadness to eventually ease
and for memories of time together to take its place.
And especially, for God, the father of our Lord Jesus Christ bring you more and more grace and peace.
**BTW, I’d love for you to leave a comment below and let me know how I can pray for you today.